Last night I ran into my best friend from when I saw fifteen. He was drunk and walking by CVS. We hugged and he asked me what I was listneing to. Then I asked him. He was with a drunk thirty-year-old named Chris, who was nice. He asked if I was still a film major and I said “yeah, it’s silly.” Chris yelled at me, saying, “no, it’s creative!” and I thanked him for that. My old best friend and I spent a lot of time staring at each other, smiling. We exchanged phone numbers. It was the best thing thats happend to me in Lebanon for about four years.

For the summer. I’m going to stop trying hanging out with people when I go back to Lebanon. That is to say, I am going to make less of an effort. Because it seems like it ends up the same way no matter what I do.

I want to go to Chicago. Alone and with other people. Last summer I went by myself and just walked around for a week. It was my first time in a big city but it wasn’t intimidating or scary or anything. It was comforting. Later, I went back with friends and it was equally as fun, but very much a different experience. 

Kiwi Snapple is the best Snapple.

Last night I didn’t really sleep. I made this tumblr and messed around with it. Then I tried to sleep, but the sun was coming up so I walked around and took pictures. It was raining really really hard. When I got home an hour or so later I was soaked. I had to blow dry my shoes today. With a blow dryer.

This whole staying in Lebanon thing didn’t work out so well. I love my mom and my cats, but that’s about it. This is annoying little town filled with annoying little reminders about how nice my life used to be. And its not like its not nice now, its just… different. And I suppose I could take this as a sign to enjoy my life now.

But I probably won’t. I’ve had like three moments like the last scene in “Y tu mamá también.” It’s off putting.

My new friends are my friends and my old friends were my friends.

I don’t need an introduction, right? I can just launch into this thing.  

I came home to Lebanon today even though no one else really wanted to come. I’m home for a lot of reasons but mainly to see my mother, as it is mothers day. I came here and now I want to stay here. I don’t want to go back to my job and my dirty apartment and my amazing friends. I want to be the nerd who made websites and listened to nothing but Bright Eyes. I want to not leave my room. I want to sing songs at the top of my lungs in front of my computer. I don’t feel like I used to.

I should stop listening to good sad music alone late at night. It always makes me blogy.